I am sheep, hear me "baaaaa"...

My Buck's

2007-11-04T18:38:00.000+11:00

Yup, yesterday and yesternight was my Buck's Day/Night thing and it was bloody brilliant!!

It started around 11:45 when, waiting in Babar's and sipping a coffee while dressed in a natty business suit and tie (as per instructions) I felt a hand on my shoulder and a voice say "Mr Bowen, I think you should come with us". I looked up to see Mssrs Akhurst and Collins, similarly attired in dark suits and dark glasses. Mr Akhurst twitched aside the right lapel of his jacket to reveal a shoulder holster contianing a flourescent water pistol. Owen had his in his hand with a newspaper draped over it and Tim was on crowd control. I got up (as one would), trying desperately not to grin like an idiot, and was led to where Callum had just parked the Sera and got out. Being led into a gull-wing car by two guys in dark glasses did draw a few looks (and I'm going to be checking the RiotACT to see if there's mention of it) and that was also pretty cool.

So, we headed to the driving range for the (hopefully) first annual Yakuza golf day, with a small but select group of us partaking of the aforesaid driving range's facilities while clad in our gangster suits. There was Cal, myself and our Dad, Owen and Nick, Tim, Barry and Sam IV (Who came over from Perth thanks to heaps of machinations and behind the scenes plannings by Callum and Mum) and Jared.

After driving we headed to the Sizzle Bento Sushi train and then, after a change to more casual clothings, we headed to the Secret Location of The Party Itself (aka Chishome). We got there about 15:30 and. It. Was. Tops!!

Now, the evening wasn't one of your standard "Blow on the coffee table, vomit in the corners and dead hookers to dispose of" Buck's Nights, oh no. This was a practically-perfectly, tailored-just-for-Euan CARNIVAL!!! There was a foosball table (which we now own), a pinball machine, shooting games, a slurpie machine with frozen daiquaris and, get this, SHOW BAGS!!!!

Lots of people came over, some of whom I haven't seen in ages, and it was a blast. There were luchidor masks in some of the showbags (the Mexican wrestlers, think Nacho Libre), chico rolls and hot dogs, tequila shots, poker and Halo on a projector screen. Large amounts of alcohol were consumed and the party itself didn't break up until around 12:30 - 01:00, so let's hear it for the staying power!

Callum and Owen C and Mum and Dad and Tom and everyone else involved in putting the day together did an absolutely amazing job! I had a great time, got quite majorly drunk (though not as drunk as some peoples) and overall it was exactly the Buck's Night I wanted to have. Strippers and police involvement and passing out in puddles of ones own effluent might be alright for some, but I have to thank my Bro for putting together an awesome, Euan-specific event.

Imagination vs. Reality

2007-09-14T22:09:00.000+10:00

Carmen is away this weekend with a bunch of her friends from the DPP. It's an all girl, "jeez we've been busy" coast trip that will, I believe, revolve around easy to prepare food and some choice bottles of bubbly.

And now, returning to our subject, here's how the weekend will look in my brain...

Note the Scrabble set. Nice touch, n'est pas?

Of course, I realise that this is probably what it's more likely to look like, but a fella has to be able to dream... : )

Four things I learned this week

2007-08-19T15:29:00.000+10:00

Although listening to radio comedy programmes from the UK on one's MP3 player can make cardio sessions at the gym go much faster, you do get funny looks from other gym people if you're sweating away on the cross-trainer and giggling to yourself.

facebook is awesome and the most random mix of people can be found on it.

Phil Pullman is a brilliant writer.

While it may be good for weight loss, less carbs does equal more hunger.

I helped edumacate me some peeps

2007-08-10T21:38:00.000+10:00

Yup, at work today I helped deliver some training to the newbies today. I won't go into details about the application in questions, cause really it would mean very little to most of you (except the ones that work at IP Australia), but I can say that it was a bunch of fun. Did I say fun? I meant kinda scary to begin with and then not too bad once we got into the flow of things.

I think it was useful for the noobs too, although they're at the stage of training where they've got information overload so I'm not entirely sure. The problem with giving info on a new system is that (assuming it's a well-designed system) actually saying the words seems to be redundancy itself, but when the people actually do it there's often little blobs of confusion with the order of how you go about things. But, overall, I'd like to think that we helped. : )

Grandpa's 90th

2007-08-08T21:08:00.000+10:00

Just spent a couple of days down at Sussex Inlet helping Grandpa Taff celebrate his... all those that read the subject header join in... 90th birthday.

And how did my Grandpa celebrate his 90th? What did he do on the day? Well, he kicked off with 9 holes of golf, followed by cake (from his mates at the golf course) and champagne (brought to him by Mum and Dad). Then we hit the RSL for a light lunch, followed by an afternoon of indolence and then back to the RSL for an extra special dinner. How extra special? Only extra special in that the Chinese restaurant at the RSL doesn't actually open on a Tuesday, but because they all think Grandpa's tops (cause he kinda is), they opened up for him special.

So Mum, Dad, Cal and I finally met some of his mates from Stuart's coaches, including Rhonda, the lady who keeps giving him PJs and undies for Christmas (who came with her husband...???). We also met a few of his other mates from down the coast and saw that he's a pretty popular young man, really. Stuart's coaches run a travelling club that Grandpa is part of and so far they've taken him to Norfolk Island and the Gold Coast and Alice Springs and all over the place.

The old guy also made out like a bandit, with Mum and Dad giving him a fantastic die cast model of a Catalina Flying Boat (with markings from the same squadron he flew with in the war), one of his Stuart's mates gave him an awesome picture of himself and he got a book and a groovy glass and wood petrol pump for decanting whiskey into. And it's a good thing too, cause his haul of alcohol running to:

3 Bottles of Johnny Walker Red Label

2 Bottles of Glen Fiddich 12 Year Old single malt Scotch

2 Bottles of Drambuie (a whiskey liquer for those that don't know)

and, from Cal and I, an extra special bottle of 18 year old Macallan single malt Scotch

Anyone'd think his mates (and family) reckon he's a piss-pot. : )

The day was great, and went almost without a hitch (one or two needless stress-outs don't count) and the trip overall was also great. Who doesn't like flexing of two days to duck down to the coast and have some fun with the fam?

Carmen is spazzing out...

2007-08-05T20:28:00.000+10:00

Cause I only gave Harry Potter VII four out of five.

She hit me too. With a closed hand too. My gum is bleeding... : )

Someone contact the authorties...

Harry Potter VII or "Those whacky hallows"

2007-08-05T20:07:00.000+10:00

Yes, I am a sheep. I've gotten quite interested in the antics of that whiny Potter boy and I really enjoyed this one.

It's not a perfect novel, but it is smoothly delivered. The death count is perhaps a little bit higher than we might have first thought (or hoped?), but the action sequences (of which there are quite a few) are very slick and I cannae wait for them to be on the big screen.

I did have my usual six or seven chapters worth of wanting to smack Harry upside the head 'cause, really, he is a whiny little bitch. But, if you think about it, he's a 17 year old whose folks were murdered by a powerful dark wizard who tries to kill him on a regular basis (about once a year, really), so maybe it's understandable that he's a bit whiny.

I still wanna smack him, though.

There are a couple of sequences that are very much in the "tell", not "show" category, but overall I really enjoyed it. And that's about all I can say without spoiling it. : )

Four smashed up horcruxes out of five.

Jeez I'm lazy

2007-08-05T19:47:00.000+10:00

Only one post after a "blowing off the dust"-type apology and I abandoned you all again.

So what have I been doing?

Well, bugger all in a heaps and heaps but not much of it of particular interest to the likes of you lot.

The planning for the wedding continues apace, with rings, a celebrant and shortly my kilt all sorted. I've decided that I'm going to get a kilt made locally. It's more 'spensive (quite a bit more, actually) than getting it overseas, but the guy's only a 1/2 hout drive away, as opposed to on the other side of the world, so the extra expense I think pays for itself in convenience and negating potential, last-minute stresses (one hopes?).

I've still got a car to finalise, and I'm looking at a Mark II Jag cause it's awesome. And after that, I think all's we gotta do is make up some invites, finalise a menu and actually get out there on the day (which shouldn't be too hard).

The trade marks continue to be examined, and I've even found time to put together and run a trivia night for the Social Club (of which I am Vice-President). And that'll be it for now... stay tuned for a couple of seconds and I'll flick ye a review or two.

Why do they waste their talents?

2007-06-11T15:37:00.000+10:00

I'm talking about Will Ferrell (and Adam Sandler, and those like them). I watched Stranger Than Fiction last night and it's awesome! A sweet, charming, fantastically-scripted and -acted film. And Will Ferrell is amazing in it. He's understated and subtle in his performance, something which you'd not necessarily think he was capable of, given some of the other films he's been in and there we have my point.

Why don't actors like Will Ferrell (and Adam Sandler and those like them) get more straight roles? Sandler was great in The Wedding Singer and there was barely a poo or wee gag in sight. Ferrell is, as I said, simply beautiful in Stranger Than Fiction. I know that you can almost guarantee a significant audience of yuckers will check out the latest Sandler gag-fest (and by gag I don't necessarily mean laughter...) or Ferrell-vehicle where they have to mug and run around and pee against walls, but surely giving them more chances to remind us that they can actually act would also be nice.

I know Sandler keeps sneaking in a Punch Drunk Love here and a Reign Over Me there, but I want to see more of them! Ferrell especially seems to be purpose-built for the quirky, unusual meta-films that Stranger Than Fiction represents.

Although I suppose if they all pulled a Tom Hanks ans snuck into comedy/dramedy-centric careers, then it would sort of spoil the point of casting them against type.

Blowing the dust off

2007-06-11T15:21:00.000+10:00

INT NIGHT A STOREROOM

All is darkness. Footsteps can be heard approaching. A key turns in a lock and a door opens. It's still all dark until, with a click, a beam of light stabs into the darkness and a torch sweeps the room. It shows glimpses of what the room holds. There are piles of dusty books (cyberpunk and comic fantasy predominate), stacks of DVDs and a dusty Xbox.
The torch lingers for a moment on a large poster showing five gorgeous women draped over each other, an Aston Martin DB9 and - strangely - a completely stainless-steel kitchen with 6-burner gas stove and magnetic knife strip over the bench. Another wall appears to be hung with a variety of weapons, including a large, angular handgun, a paintball marker and some ninja stars.

VOICE: Ah! Gotcha!

The overhead lights snap on and we see the ecclectic and slightly worrying mix of items in the over-large storeroom. There is a clear patch in the middle with a large TV, a collection of beaten-up sofas and a DVD player. The person who had been holding the torch is revealed to be a medium-tall redhead with a goatee, glasses and perhaps too much flesh on his frame. He looks around again and smiles.

MAN: Time to get back to it...

FADE OUT

Birthday coming up...

2007-02-26T22:25:00.000+11:00

... and so here is my selected wish list:

* An XBOX 360 (remember, wish list...)
* A Wii (wish. list.)
* A big-screen TV (LCD or flatscreen for pref)
* A V-slice (aka Mandolin)
* An electric wok
* A deli slicer
* An iPod (Shuffle or Nano for pref)
* Another cool chess set (or two)
* Some casino-weight poker chips (that's 12-14gms, roughly)
* A camel-back for cycling/running
* A gift certificate for a massage (Legitimate!)
* Some more Le Creuset (obviously)
* So there's this new thing that Jamie Oliver is endorsing that they have at kitchen shops and it's, like, a jar with a heavy ball in it for making marinades and dressings... a-ha! Thank you, interweb. It's called the Flavour Shaker
* A fresh bottle of Medos
* Or, possibly, a fresh bottle of... um... other booze that I like

* Films on DVD
- Dawn of the Dead (remake and/or original)
- Jarhead
- Over The Hedge
- Cars
- Hoodwinked
- Ultraviolet
- The Matrix (and, yes, I will admit to wanting the sequels too)
- Bill Hicks stand-up (I already have "Sane Man", just BTW)

* TV on DVD
- Deadwood Season 1 and 2
- Battlestar Galactica Season 2
- My Name Is Earl
- American Gothic
- Carnivale
- Due South
- OZ

* CDs
- Sin City soundtrack
- Lupe Fiasco's album
- Regina Spectre's album
- More Bill Hicks stuff

My 3rd Blog...

2007-01-28T17:41:00.000+11:00

I've got me a MySpace now, but mainly so I can be Friends with other MySpace users. For those of you that can't find the link to your left, my MySpace URL is;

http://www.myspace.com/evanbowman

So now all you guys with MySpaces should start making me your friend.

Please?

Golden Globes - Post 2

2007-01-16T21:49:00.000+11:00

The List got a bit of a tweak...

Golden Globes - Post 1

2007-01-16T20:44:00.000+11:00

We're two awards in and thanks to Mssrs Clooney and Timberlake, it's entirely possible that we have a running gag already.

And the winner is... Leonardo DiCaprio (we're talking Best Supporting Actress and Best Song here, so no spoilers yet)

Best. Bond. Ever.

2007-01-03T20:10:00.000+11:00

Seriously.

I know that some people out there are going "blah blah blah Sean Connery blah blah blah original and best blah blah blah" but they're the same people who haven't bought a new album in 30 years and refuse to get a DVD player because they "don't see the point".

OK, maybe my liking of Brosnan over the last few years (including the patently crap films) has caused me to be over being told my opinion is wrong, but Daniel Craig blows them both out of the water. He's suave, he's smooth and he can get down and dirty in a fight scene like few actors can. He's also, and I say this as a straight guy who speaks without attraction but with a huge amount of jealousy, supremely hot. Smokin' hot.

The movie itself isn't perfect, but none of them have ever been and this one is a damn sight closer than most. The pacing is taught (except for the "has it ended, or hasn't it" final reel, but that's forgivable), the stunts are great and the babes are gorgeous. From the grainy black and white of the pre-title sequence, to the frickin' awesome title sequence itself, you know Bond is back and better than ever.

It's also an origin story and love origin stories. This one is smoothly told and also - and don't tell me this is a gimme - pretty well acted too. Judi Dench continues to be the coolest M ever and the other supporting cast are solid and watchable. And then there's Mr Daniel "Kill you as soon as look at you" Craig himself. How is he?

Best. Bond. Ever.

It's dirty, violent, harsh and almost had me crying. Why? Cause they trashed an Aston Maritn DBS, that's why! Bastards.

Throw in a little free running and Vesper's "I want them to be watching you, not me" dress and you've got an enjoyable, rollicking, awesome freight-train of a film that's few failings are more than smashed to little bits by its many, many successes.

Four and a half Walther P99s out of 5.

Belated news

2006-12-29T14:33:00.000+11:00

If you look over to my "People with blogs I know", you will see that my beloved has caved in and now has her own MySpace.

When she can actually get the posts to work (issues with servers or post lists? We're not sure), you can have a look-in at her view on life and stuff.

Euan's Special Punch

2006-12-29T14:19:00.000+11:00

Thought it'd be fun to put this recipe up here, given the popularity of the drink;

1 750ml white rum (Bacardi for pref)
1 750ml coconut rum (Malibu if ye've got it, but Grunters' Wipeout is good enough, 'cause it's just a punch)
1 500ml Triple Sec
1 Bottle Passion Pop
2 Ltrs Tropical Fruit Juice
2 Ltrs Coconut & Pineapple Juice
1 Ltr Lemonade
Juice of 4 limes

Mix all of the above in a large punch bowl and add the following fruit, all chopped up;

3 Oranges (Blood oranges for pref, cause their colour is better and they off-set the sweetness)
2 punnets of strawberries
1 half pinapple

And anything else you want, really.

It's best to make sure all of the liquids are as cold as possible, so you don't need to add too much ice and risk watering it down.

Also, taste as you go, too. It shoudln't get too meths-tasting, but depending on the strength of your coconut rum or triple sec, it might.

Drink in moderation, just BTW, cause it is very strong.

Pesents, food, presents, alcohol and presents... and Jesus and stuff too...

2006-12-29T13:34:00.000+11:00

Christmas has come and gone again, and once more there was waaaay too much fantastic food, lots of time with family and friends and probably more alcohol consumed than is good for us.

We managed a record 4 Christmases this year, with the first being the Spanish Christmas Eve celebrated with Carmen's folks. Her bro was still in WA (having recently started working in a copper mine somewhere called "Nifty"), so it was her folks, myself, Carms (duh), her grandparents and a couple of friends of the family. The food was great as always (both Carms' folks are awesome cooks) and everyone got as good as they gave. We scored a couple of very pretty glass vases, some soft-but-itchy throw rugs for our new sofas and a 24 bottle wine fridge/cooler thing.

Then it was on to my Mum and Dad's for Christmas Day. There we had my folks, my grandpa and Cal. We also had a drop-in from Anne (Cal's new girlfriend [also my workmate, about more later]) and Carmen's folks again. The fine food theme was repeated, with Mum making the best Christmas pudding she has in ages. It was phenomenal. Also repeated was the getting as good as giving theme. Mum loved her froggy brooch, Grandpa loved his DVDs, Dad loved his books and Cal played with his steering-wheel-and-pedals thing and his Xbox wasn't even there.

As for Boxing Day, many wonderful friends came over to our house and we had a great deal of fun. Again, there was a large amount of alcohol, including my "Special Punch". By "Special", you can of course read "really strong but doesn't taste that alcoholic". There was laughter and friendly and not-so-friendly (but still very funny) ribbing and generally the day/night (started at 1100 and wnet through til around 2230) was a great success. It was one of those gatherings that reminds me that Carms and I have some of the best friends in the world. It was awesome!

Finally, Carm's bro returned to Canberra and so we had a special Michael Christmas (not to be confused with Michaelmas, which I thought was around this time of year, but I was wrong). He was sooooo very tired when we came, as he'd been awake for about 36 hours at the time. He gave me the Scarface, Carmen a great deal of "Northern Exposure" on DVD and was given by his folks a freakin' cool portable DVD player. More great food. More alcohol (tho not drunk by me 'cause I was driving).

I'd like to thank everyone who helped make this Christmas so wonderful, and I hope that everyone out there had a fantastic, culturally-appropriate end of year break and gathering(s).

There's a PC upgrade on my horizon...

2006-12-12T19:33:00.000+11:00

I'll try not to gush, 'cause there's absolutely no detail about the game itself, but Firefly has been licensed to become an MMORPG.

I'm still trying not to gush but, really, this has freakin' awesome written all over it.

End of an era

2006-12-07T23:13:00.000+11:00

Let it be known, and let it be sounded to the Heavens, that euanbowen@hotmail.com is no longer an active address for me. I've finally let the damnable thing lapse to the point where it goes away.

True, it means that my Pimpin' Down Under and Urban Dead accounts may be in limbo, but it also means that I don't have to wade through 8 metric craploads of span to get the one message I actually give a crap about.

I am getting more and more spam on Gmail, but at least they've stopped accusing me of having a sm4ll p3n15.

There's a silver lining there.

Totally Awesome!

2006-12-06T14:19:00.000+11:00

Some of you are no doubt aware that since 2003 the guys at Penny Arcade have been holding an annual charity event called Child's Play that takes donations of toys (and money to buy toys) to give to children's hospitals in the the United States.

Only now, it's not just in the United States but also in Canada, the UK, Egypt and, fanfare please, Australia! Yup, the Sydney Children's Hospital and the Brisbane's Mater Children's Hospital have joined the fun.

In the past they have had entire pallets of Gamecubes donated (would that I had the cash to do that), and lots of other things.

The PA guys looks to be aiming for $500K in donations and, although it appears they only started at the beginning of November, they're already up to $260,000.

Great work, guys!

Home and Homebake

2006-12-06T11:54:00.000+11:00

I'm home from work, after heading into work, 'cause I'm feeling a wee bit crook. Not sick, per se, but sort of floaty and tingly. If getting wet, then getting hot, then getting wet again at Homebake has given me the 'flu... well, it was worth it really.

Carms and I, as well as our friend Louise, headed up to Sydney on the Friday for the festival, and after a bracing brekky at a backpacker/cafe near central, we made our way to the Domain.

The highlight of the day for me was the Hilltop Hoods. They ramped up the crowd, blasted out a selection of old classics and stuff from their new(ish) album and were just frickin' awesome!

Little Birdy were also pretty damn cool, and Eskimo were awesome too. And very humble, thanking the crowd and their fans many times during their set (between pretty much every song :) ).

I mostly enjoyed the Silverchair set, although my back was getting quite sore by then, and I was totally over being jostled by people pushing back and forth through the crowd. Also, he may be an incredibly talented guitarist (and I mean incredibly talented), but he struck as being kind of a dick. Nothing specific I can put my finger on, but just a general "dick"-ness coming across.

A pleasant surprise was seeing Toni Collette and the Finish. Yes, it's that Toni Collette and she and her band gave us some great folk-y rock. Or possibly rock-y folk. Either way, it was a great set that saw Ms. Collette firmly smack down a heckler who felt that "you're terrible, Muriel" was something that needed to be called out between songs.

Rain or no rain, it was a great day with only a couple of drunken eejits gratuitously bumping into us, and that out of excess exubrance, rather than agression. I did see a couple of almost-fights, but they were defused quickly and it would seem that the NSW Police were also pleased with how things went.

And to cap it off, we were able to catch up with Unky Gra Gra on the day after. Yay!

Dipping a toe in the pop culture pool

2006-12-04T21:19:00.000+11:00

From what I've picked up talking to various people, I may be about to reveal a dark secret, but I like Jericho. I know that the acting isn't exactly top-notch, and maybe it does slip into naffness from time to time (thanks for confirming that in my brain, Gra), but the premise is intriguing and I'm currently half-way through the mid-season cliff-hanger and it's just working for me.

The characters have sucked me in, the "what's going on? who's on whose side?" thing is awesome. I loved American Gothic and I love Lost. It can get frustrating, but like the mytharc in X-Files, I don't hate getting little tidbits of info here and there. And all the stand-offs and stand-downs are just plain cool!

Another show I've fallen for is Entourage. A bit like Spaced, describing the premise of this one doesn't do it justice. True, it could essentially be a pretty banal tale of a young up-and-comer in Hollywood and his mates and brother hanging out and enjoying the high life, but the acting and writing are top-notch and something about the series just sets it apart.

There are celebrity cameos a-plenty, with standouts being Richard Schiff playing himself and telling his agent he wants to be an action hero and Seth Green also playing himself, only I hope he's not such a dick. It's sort of based on Mark Wahlberg's experiences as the young up-and-comer (he's an executive producer on the show) and includes such weak-sounding story arcs as "Will Vince get the Aquaman film?" and "will Drama get to the audition on time". But don't let the basic storylines fool you. This is cutting satire as well as a fun romp rolled into a slick, HBO-produced bundle.

Great news!

2006-10-30T17:44:00.000+11:00

This weekend just gone Carmen and I went to a little place on the South Coast called Bewong River Retreat and, amongst consuming our bodyweight in seafood and doing very, very little, I finally popped the question.

And Carmen said yes!!!

I wrote her a story, the last page of which held the proposal and when she - somewhat tearfully - looked up, there was yours truly, on one knee with the ring.

And she said yes!!! :)

Although, after 6 years and several conversations on the subject, it was probably the safest bet since an 80 year old billionaire proposed to a young, blonde bimbo.

So, all things being equal, we're going to get married some time late November/early December next year.

It's Groovy & Addictive

2006-09-24T21:35:00.000+10:00

I'm just not entirely sure why...

It's funny what you find clicking links on the Penny Arcade site.
For example, this little thing. Of course, I say "little thing", but I think it's, like, a Masters Thesis or something. Check it out.

The Whiteboard

2006-09-24T19:07:00.000+10:00

As a comic reader and ocassional paintballer, I should've found The Whiteboard a long time ago. I am, however, attempting to make up for lost time and am working my way through the archives. In so doing, I came across this one, and have to say that the third panel is as close to a perfect summation of my thought processes the first couple of times I played than I have ever seen.

Question 3/20

2006-09-24T17:34:00.000+10:00

Hmmm... I think I know, but I'm enjoying the games...

Do you have a double-barrel last name?

Hang in there, Hamster!

2006-09-24T17:05:00.002+10:00

For the two Top Gear fans out there that haven't heard, Richard Hammond has been severely injured in an accident while filming a segment for the show. Although he had to be cut from the wreckage of the Vampire jet car, and suffered a "significant" brain injury during the crash, he has since walked, albeit "shakily", and has spoken and smiled.

I'm not a religious guy, so I won't join my prayers with those from fans around the world, but I will say I share in Jeremy Clarkson's hopes that they get their Hamster back.

Personality testings

2006-09-24T17:05:00.001+10:00

Now with bar graphs...

My Personality


Neuroticism	35
Extraversion	89
Openness To Experience	75
Agreeableness	65
Conscientiousness	41

Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report
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MySpace Codes, MySpace Surveys and MySpace Layouts by Pulseware Survey Software

The two halves of my brain

2006-08-29T18:58:00.000+10:00

I'm pretty sure I saw my first instance of racial profiling t'other day.

I was sitting in a phone retailer and, as I waited for my thingy to be processed (hur hur), two Arabic-looking gentlemen came into the shop and started enquiring about plans for Blackberries and PDA/phones. They were there for a while, and then just sort of wandered off.

After they'd left, a mall security person turned up and the manager of the store chatted with her for a bit. She'd started the process of setting up the transaction and photocopied the credit cards and licenses of the two men in question (a legitimate practice for phone dealers, to be fair) and she gave the photocopies to the security lady. Apparently, the two men in question had been to a few mobile phone retailers that day asking about various plans (adding the fact that more than one store person thought it worthy of notice and a ring around). I didn't catch if they were just looking at "disposable" phones (pre-paid and the like), but the information given seemed to interest the security lady.

So, apparently just comparison-shopping is enough to mark you in certain eyes if you look a certain way.

And here is where the subject header comes in, because the part of my brain that understands what damage can be caused in assymetric warfare and is aware that noticing something like this could help prevent an event was suprised at how well the situation was handled. I'm not alarmed, nor particularly alert, but the fact is that more than one observant salesman (or woman) at a phone shop (or hardware store or camping store or whatever) has been instrumental in preventing a crime.

However, the part of my brain that despises Li'l Johnny and the Ghoul with a firey, firey passion wants to know just how alert is too alert? True, they didn't call the police or make a scene or treat the two men in question with anything less than the politeness I'd expect myself, but the event itself left me feeling... uneasy. Why should two guys looking for a phone attract attention of the "photocopy the license and credit card and give it to security" kind just 'cause they look a certain way? When my head was shaved and I was wearing camo pants, I wasn't being followed around by security guards. Well, not more than normal anyway.

Oh, and both parts of my brain agree that actual terrorists would probably not bother with comparison shopping, 'cause they'd most likely have the cash to just get a phone in the first shop they came to.

[Edit]And as an addendum, the first half of my brain just flashed a "should I really post this, 'cause it could warn them" message before the second half smacked it upside the head. What fun times we live in.[/Edit]

Unpopular opinions

2006-08-27T21:07:00.000+10:00

For those of you who watch "Stargate: SG1", I have this to say.

I think Jonas Quinn is cooler than Daniel Jackson.

I'm not sure what it is exactly, but it probably has something to with the fact that a) he doesn't get possessed or infected every twenty minutes, b) he wasn't afraid, more or less from the get-go to grab a gun and get into the action and c) that hyper-observant, eidetic-memory thing he's got going made for some great dialogue.

Question 2/20

2006-08-27T11:21:00.000+10:00

Should I go for the direct route now, or a quirky Lt. Kaffee alternate?

How about...

Did you play Magic with the rest of us?

Book 18 1/2

2006-08-26T14:22:00.000+10:00

"Everything's Eventual" by Stephen King

I haven't read much Stephen King for a while, and thought I'd jump in and look over this short story compilation (what I bought on my trip to Melbourne). There's the usual mix of very good and just okay to be had between these two covers. Some of the stand-out stories include "The Little Sister of Eluria" is a story featuring the Gunslinger from the Dark Tower series (about which, more later). It's kind of a "where was he before the first novel" tail featuring creepy bugs and even creepier nuns.

"The Road Virus Heads North" has a demonic painting as its central theme, with - and isn't this unusual for King - a writer being pursued across country by an ee-ville force. King builds the tension really well in this one, and the dude in the painting is just nasty.

"Everything's Eventual" is the story of a young man who can kill people by drawing pictures and is, if not the smoothest of the bunch, certainly one that features the most imaginative premise. This young lad is hired by a shadowy agency to use his talent against targets they identify and he starts to feel uncertain about it. A great story, in a clear - if not always smooth - voice.

I was less impressed by "LT's Theory Of Pets", not 'cause it was crap, but because it wasn't as smooth as it could've been.

I fair powered through this collection, with only a few speed bumps, and I reckon it's worth about a three and a half creepy bugs out of five.

Question 1/20

2006-08-26T13:16:00.001+10:00

In response to Ratti's response, and just to clarify some of the info we think know about fatfingers...

I'm also going to try for a Perry Mason/The Practice thing by varying the tone and subject of the question to try and put fatfingers off and get them to crack under the pressure and admit their identity first.

Have you studied Spanish?

I am a weak, weak man...

2006-08-26T13:16:00.000+10:00

But a weak, weak man with a PS2! :)

I finally got myself a credit card and, well, one thing led to another and I went into Dick Smith's and came out with a PS2, an EyeToy and the Buzz! game. It was an extravangance, but as I was going to lay-by it anyway I just figured I might as well put the lay-by payments on my credit card and play with the thing right now.

The Buzz! game is much fun. It comes with these paddle thingies with coloured buttons and depending on the stlye of the round you either pick the colour that corresponds to the answer you want to give or use the big red button to buzz in quickly. I think there's a lot of party potential in this one, and also in the EyeToy.

The EyeToy is very groovy. It's a USB camera that attaches ot the PS2 and then you turn up on the screen and play the game by moving around, jumping up and down and generally acting like a 'nana.

I also picked up 24: The Game and it rocks! The gameplay is pretty standard 3rd-person shoot-em-up with stealthy bits and some sniping, but there's also bomb defusal, interrogation and code-cracking to do. And you can "restrain" people. If civilians are running around, getting in your way, you can call out "Federal Agent!", or words to that effect and then they crouch on the ground and you handcuff them (personally, I think that Tony likes handcuffing the girl civilians a little too much). As for arresting baddies, you have to wound them or possibly get one who's a girly-man and you also yell out "CTU! Put down your weapon!" (or whatever) and they put their hands up. Then you handcuff them. Of course, if you press the wrong button, you don't handcuff them but rather break their neck with an accompanying evil sound. Very cool. :)

The game itself is basically an episode of the TV series where you play the characters. It was written by one of the show's writers and most of the cast voice the characters in the game. There's even the wonky camera and collage-like aspect to some of the cut-scenes that you see in the bits between scenes in the series. Oh, and Kim Bauer is about as useful in the game as she is in the series (ie; not in the least).

My first active guess...

2006-08-21T22:24:00.000+10:00

And it might just be the right one, but is Miss FatFingers more commonly known as.... Melanie McMillan?

And does she have a blog I can link?

A possible sequel!?

2006-08-18T14:09:00.000+10:00

And this time? It's badgers!

Tha Duke

2006-08-18T12:02:00.001+10:00

I'm watching Rio Bravo and while most of the adjectives commonly ascribed to John Wayne have differing levels of accuracy - iconic, archetypal, masculine, black-lister, misogynist, really big - there is one that is perfectly accurate. The man was cool!

And so's this movie. I've heard it referred to as the archetypal buddy moive, the archetypal siege movie (tho would Zulu have a claim to that? It did come out 5 years later) and the archetypal action movie and it is interesting to see all the things we take for granted in action movies nowadays in this one from nigh on fifty years ago. Comic relief characters, snappy one-liners and some threatening dialogue and scenery chewing that would make Arnold or Chuck jealous.

Just in case...

2006-08-18T12:02:00.000+10:00

Just in case there were some boys (and girls) Daniel Radcliffe's age (and older) who didn't want him dead, there's this picture to cement it.

Lucky little bastard.

Samuel L on Jon Stewart

2006-08-18T11:50:00.000+10:00

'Cause I found this on Ratti's friends page and didn't want to be the only blogger in the world who didn't link this.

And Cleolinda is right. Jon Stewart, the Uber-cynic, just goes fanboy for the whole "interview". :)

The great fatfingers mystery

2006-08-18T11:07:00.000+10:00

Two more pieces of evidence.

Fatfingers lives in (or has a proximity to) Sydney...

Fatfingers seems to be on a first-name basis with Ursula Le Guin (although that could be a joke :) )...

Hmmm...

Book 17 1/2

2006-08-17T12:22:00.000+10:00

"A Short History Of Nearly Everything" by Bill Bryson

Science is cool!

Carmen got very, very sick of hearing this every night when she came to bed. I'd be reading this book and finding out something new (or possibly inaccurate) and I couldn't help spewing it out at her. 10 million kilometers of DNA in the human body? How cool is that!? Bacteria that can survive inside a nuclear react? How cool is that!?

Bryson's style in this, as my brother has said to me, is that of a ten year old discovering new things and running up to you going "guesswhatguesswhatguesswhat!?" and... well... spewing out a new fact (possibly misremembered, but who cares?). This book is conversational, engaging and smooth flowing. It's also pretty chucky, so don't be falling asleep in bed reading this one or you could break your nose.

Four and a half should-be text books out of five.

Book 16 1/2

2006-08-17T12:06:00.000+10:00

"Collaborator" by Murray Davies

What is about speculative fiction that gets me going? The "What if" factor is something that always interests me, especially when it's done right and this one is. Not perfectly, but certainly smoother than some Turtledove, and without the gratuitous sex (or, at least, the gratuitous sex scenes). There are a few instances of clunky weapons-specs (mayhap Mr Davies needs a chat with Msrrs Clancy and/or Birmingham), but overall the quality is very good. It is true that I picked the twist about halfway through, but that did not significantly impact my enjoyment of the book.

The tone of the novel is dark, but not hopeless, as it deals with a Nazi-occupied England. The "What if" here being what if Operation Sea Lion actually worked? The protagonist of the novel is a former POW who is attached to the local administration of his home town because he can speak German. There follows resistance attacks and involvements, a sexy American assassin (female) and a selection of old and new friends and enemies.

This one is definitely worth a look, and although it's about as thick - if not thicker - than Turtledove at his most loquacious, it still moves smoothly and freely. I'll give it three and a half British brown shirts out of five.

Go Chloe!! (24 spoiler)

2006-08-17T11:55:00.000+10:00

So I'm watching Season 4 of 24[1] and Chloe just used an assault rifle to take out a hitman. Not bad for a systems analyst with a personality disorder.

Oh, and Holtz just turned up. Or, at least, Keith Szarabajka.

[1] Be wary of the Wikipedia entry. There are many spoilers!

Book 15 1/2

2006-08-17T11:33:00.000+10:00

"In The Company Of Cheerful Ladies" by Alexander McCall Smith

More fun with Mma Ramotswe and the No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency. This time one of the no-good apprentices has found himself a fancy lady (with a Mercedes, no less), Mma Makutsi has taken up dancing classes (and found a nice, klutzy gentleman of her own) and Mma Ramotswe clips a cyclist in her little white van.

And so begins another "cut and paste" review of another enjoyable book. You can pretty much just go back and read my other entries on the other books in this series, 'cause I'll be saying it all again. Great storyline, great characters and smooth writing.

Four reliable old white vans out of five.

Book 14 1/2

2006-08-17T10:56:00.000+10:00

"The Birthday Of The World" by Ursula Le Guin

If you haven't heard of Ursula Le Guin (presumably because you've been living in a bubble regarding significant sci-fi and fantasy writers of the 20th Century), follow the link above and you'll find Ms Le Guin's Wikipedia entry. A quick read through will give you some idea of her importance in the genre. Of course, I've only read about one of her other books (actually, about 3/4 of one of her other books), but I know of her.

This book is a collection of short stories exploring, among other things, gender and love in a variety of sci-fi and fantasy settings. This is old school fantasy and sci-fi in the best traditions of the genre, using fantastic settings to look at current social and other issues.

The styles of the stories are various, their execution (mostly) smooth. I think next time I have a huge backlog of Books, I'm going to have to take notes, because like the previous (and most of the next ten books) I've only got a few impressions left in my brain of this one. I definitely enjoyed it (powered through it, in fact), but I wasn't always entirely satisfied with the stories themselves. I think it's because the ideas of gender that Le Guin explores seem awfully reliant on the act of sex. A bit like Whedon's "One Moment Of Perfect Happiness" comes after shagging, I think that the sexual nature of any of the stories, while not gratuitous, is perhaps over-emphasised. But, then again, what do I know? Also, and I know this is always a risk with fantasy and sci-fi stories, but many of the names are way too long and complex.

Three and a half non-gender-specific entities out of five.

Book 13 1/2

2006-08-17T10:47:00.000+10:00

"Double Whammy" by Carl Hiaasen

Another enjoyable, rollicking crime yarn from one of my favourite authors. This time the story revolves around the million-dollar professional bass fishing circuit (I'm not making this up). There's naughtiness and shenanigans and all sorts of fun and games going on, including adultery and murder. The writing style is, as I have come to expect from Hiaasen, slick and smooth. The plots are twisted without being convoluted, and come together neatly towards the end.

Of course, I don't have a perfectly clear recollection of the book, given that I read it in May, but I seem to recall feelings of the three and a half hawgs variety...

May Melbourne Trip Part 4: Wrap up

2006-08-15T15:15:00.000+10:00

I had a great time! Yes, Greasy Joe's Bar & Grill wasn't open and it took me three days to find lemon meringue pie, but I still had a great time.

It was fun just to hang with Gra, and see people like Harry, Eamonn and Bobbi again. I made pizza for some goods friends (both old and new) and experienced a wee slice of what life might be like if I actually pull my thumb out and get published and successful. A nice young lady paid for my tram ride cause I had no change and I spent more money than I should've. And I forgot to buy Carmen a present, and boy did I feel crappy about that.

Hungry!

2006-08-15T14:54:00.000+10:00

I WANT TO EAT SOLID FOOD!!!

And it hasn't even been 48 hours since Sunday dinner. Damn it! My tummy grumbles and gurgles. I want a meat pie, or a steak or something!

May Melbourne Trip Part 3: Culture

2006-08-15T13:17:00.000+10:00

You've already heard about the first show (sort of), but Graham also took me to another show and a very cool comedy thing.

The other show was called... shit. I forget now. It was called... "Doubt"! Ah-ha! Thank you, Google!

"Doubt" is a three-hander, and is the story of a young nun teaching at a Catholic boy's school in New York. A new Priest has started working at the school and there start to be doubts as to the propriety of his relationship with the students.

It was a superb show. The performances were great (although the accents not entirely flawless), the sets and lights were brilliant and the script was very good. There were no cheap, expected moments, but rather a whole lot of excellent characterisation and dialogue. If you get a chance to see this production (I think it's touring) then do so! If you get a chance to read it, or audition for it, then do so too.

We also went (along with Harry) to the Glitch bar on Sunday afternoon to see "My Top 5 Songs". This is a thing that, I believe, they do regularly where someone comes in and plays and talks about their top songs. As the Comedy festival was on, the one we went to featured 3 comedians, those being Daniel Kitson (UK), David O'Doherty (Ire) and Courteney Hocking (Aust) and was awesome. They were all funny and candid and interesting. And there was cake!

Courteney made a great point (and one that kinda relates to my own worldview), that everyone is after the Big Joy and yet it's easier to find small joys and be happy with the. The Big Joy may come, but while you're at it you can still cuddle the puppy or eat the ice cream. Daniel Kitson's "Secret To Happiness[TM]" was to find a girl who thinks the word "poo" is funny.

Oh, and you should go to the Glitch bar when you're in Melbourne. It bills itself as a bar/theatre and is pretty much just that. The front room is comfy and couchy with a simple bar and some books and Scrabble sets, and the back room is a very small, but also comfy, theatre and by theatre, I mean place for showing film. It was a perfect venue for the "My Top 5 Songs" thing, cause it had a sound system (that sort of worked with Ipod and CD, but had a few issues) and a steep enough rake that although there are only four rows of seats and not that many people can fit in, everyone can see clearly.

In my travels with Sam and Graham and Harry, I also found a bunch of great 2nd hand bookstores, including one that I'm pretty sure is a money-laundering front for the Mafia. They had a great selection, two floors of books and the owner/man at the counter seemed to have stepped out of an episode of The Sopranos.

Oh, and I also caught up with Bobbi one night and she, Gra, Harry and I checked out Martin Martini And The Bone Palace Orchestra at the Rainbow Hotel. Walking into the Rainbow Hotel, one cannot help thinking that Tim Burton has taken over direction and writing for the evening. There's a central bar, with low, wrought-iron hangings. The main bar is dingy, but in a companionable way, and there's still retro computer games in one corner and a beer garden complete with pool table that, just by the way, also looks like a cheerful, Australian Tim Burton has lit and designed it.

As for the band, Martin himself looks like the love child of Aunty Jack and Weird Al and, I have to say, my experience on the night was that the group could do without his vocal stylings. His keyboard playing was good, but I'm not sure if I liked his singing. As for the orchestra itself, the violinist was a pretty young lady in yellow wellies and stripy socks, the tuba player was a young Dom Deluise, the clarinet player was a clean-cut school of music type and the trombone player looked like Sideshow Bob's illegitamite son. I had no real impression of the drummer, but he did complain that a perfectly good song was crap, so maybe he just wanted to play it louder and faster. Their sound is, to stretch the metaphor a bit further, also Burton-esque. It's bold and brassy and enjoyable, with a sort of Mikelangelo and the Black Sea Gentleman feel, but not quite as polished. Check out their web site and check them out if you see them performing near you.

Well that wasn't too horrible...

2006-08-15T12:23:00.000+10:00

Got to the surgicentre on time. Waited for a bit then, after talking for a bit with a good, solid nurse (one of those female nurses who, in the badly paraphrased words of someone I can't remember, looked like the sort of nurse who copes equally well with forgetful old patients who don't always wear clothes and aggro, drunken footballers on Saturday mornings at 2AM), a very brief, somewhat scattered and fast-talking (in that he talked rapidly, not that he was double-talking) surgeon, a slightly longer chat with an anaesthesiologist in natty blue Birkenstocks and finally a chat with another solid, friendly nurse and I was led into the OR.

I wasn't under a general anasthetic, but rather under a deep sedation that would've let me signal if there was a problem, but meant that I was completely out of it. I had a canula (is that the word, medical people?) in the back of my hand and a quick preop. The anasthetic-guy (not writing the -ist form again) was talking me through it, and I was apologising in advance for anything I did or said under the influence. Then it was a few nerve-blockers in the mouth and the next thing I know I'm in recovery being asked by someone who I've never seen before if my nausea (which I don't remember having) is better. I had a bag of IV fluid dripping in the back of my hand (which really does just get sucked into you like a popper) and a very friendly nurse. Mum came into the recovery room and we got the post-op briefing.

Mum drove me home, and my jaw started to hurt a little in the car, but apart from some minor chip-munking (as I said) and a semi-constant tickle from the sutures, it's nowhere near as bad as I feared it would be. There's some pain (duh) and there was a bit of blood to spit out yesterday, but today I'm just sitting in bed. Not cause I feel I need to, but mostly just cause I can. :)

I've started my antibiotics, although I'm a little disappointed that the prodeine forte hasn't sent me into a Hicks-ian, consciousness-expanding drug haze.

May Melbourne Trip Part 2: Wanderings

2006-08-15T09:43:00.000+10:00

It's only taken me three months to get around to finish telling you guys about my trip to visit Gra and Sam IV. I'll also ask you to bear with me if there are any random typos or missing letters, as my "M" is still acting up, and I got 60mg of codeine going through my veins, so my coordination may not be at its apex.

So after arriving in Melbourne and watching a show, I slept like the proverbial log and then... um... okay, so, as I said, it's been three months, so I'm not going to be able to put events in even a remote chronological order, so I'll try my best and in all likelihood just jump around randomly.

With a few days of wandering under my belt (and the trip last week), I can say that I love Brunswick street. Cafes, book stores, CD/DVD stores, funky bars, Jasper's coffee and all manner of groovy-looking hippy chicks, goths and ferals. Also, Bobbi's sister works at a health store (which Graham pointed out the night before), and I popped in to say hi. She sort of recognised me, but couldn't quite place me until I identified myself and who could blame her? I ain't exactly the skinny, long-haired wee man I used to be. Christine, on the other hand, looked absolutely fantastic. There was a spring in her step and colour in her cheeks I'd just never seen before. She looked fabulous!

I also spent a great day catching up with Sam. You all know I think Sam is great (and I know he reads this blog) but I do have to say at this point that the direction "get off at the tram stop near the Uni", when the uni in question is Melbourne University, may not be the most precise piece of navigational advice ever dispensed. There are a lot of tram stops near the uni. Add to that the fact that we agreed to meet at a cafe in/near the uni, but given that all the buildings I was walking past were freakin huge, I could've been two streets away from all the cafes in the known universe and I would've had no idea. As it was, it took me a fair while just to find the Element bar, which was a great cafe/restaurant place on the corner of... well, I don't know really, but it's very close to Lygon street.

Sam had much more luck finding me than I did finding a cafe and together we headed into the city. He showed me the Kelvin club (all mahogany, red carpets and polished brass it was), the gentleman's club were he works/worked (I haven't heard from him recently, but he was hoping to find somewhere else). It's interesting to note that the all memebers of the Australian SAS have honorary membership, so in a subtle corner is a cupboard with some memorabilia, including a mannequin in current desrte cams with an - I would imagine - deactivated M4 carbine.

He also showed me Minotaur books, a shop in which I could easily spend a great deal of money, and a fantastic Chinese restaurant in a side-street that looks like a greasy-spoon diner, complete with plastic cups, and yet serves awesome food for a great price. Then we checked out Mission Impossible 3, which I very much enjoyed.

There were more wanderings, including a great day shopping in a Spanish Deli and finding things for pizza (about which more later), and a couple of very enjoyable caffeine-fueled reading binges.

And they did hold together

2006-08-14T22:25:00.000+10:00

Until today. When they got pulled out. I'm doing okay, thanks to the joy of drugs and the care of me Mum, who stayed with me today. And Carmen's Mum, Maria, who popped in to say hello, and brought me a rubber ducky who is a Devil, complete with pitchfork. Yay. :)

I'll be catching up on my Fifty Books and the two Melbourne trips (and "Boy From Oz") over the next couple of days, coz I'm staying home for a week to recuperate. Oh, and only minimal chipmunk-ness.

Uh-oh...

2006-07-20T19:58:00.000+10:00

After that whole "four more weeks? no worries" thing with my wisdoms, I'm starting to get some ominous twinges from the space between the teeth.

To paraphrase the words of Han Solo; [confident]"They'll hold together!"[/confident] [sotto voce]"Here me, guys. Hold together."[/sotto]

Aaw yeah!

2006-07-19T20:06:00.000+10:00

Now that's what I'm talkin' bout!

Naked chicks with guns.

Call off your hudu!

2006-07-18T21:59:00.000+10:00

Seriously, Cal. I don't know what kind of Voodoo/Cadiche/Boogy-woogy you worked on roasting pan you got me for Christmas, but every time I cook with it, I burn myself. I mean every frickin' time! I know I'm not the least accident-prone of people, but seriously, every Gods-damned time!?

I'm sorry, dude. I humbly and completely apologise for any and all slights you feel I may have enacted upon you. Now rub out the chalk circle, smash the statue of Janus or do whatever else you need to do to stop me being hurted by the fine and useful cooking recepticle you gave me.

Please?

Okay. New plan!

2006-07-11T21:19:00.000+10:00

You all may or may not be aware that the King Clan (aka Carmen's faily) and I are heading down to Melbourne to see HughJ in "Boy from Oz"[1].

We're also going to be chilling in Melbourne for the week. And my new appointment to have my wisdoms out is the 14th of August, so rather than having a week off, then come back for a week, and then having another week off, I'll be having two weeks off in one go. Won't that be nice?

[1]In case anyone wants to pick on Mr Jackman for being involved in musical theatre, he did bodybuilding to bulk up for X-Men 3 and by the end of it he could bench 315lbs and leg-press 1000lbs.

And then...

2006-07-10T14:41:00.000+10:00

... nothing.

Through various reasons the op had to be rescheduled until the 1st of August, which is a "Yay, me" on the 'avoiding pain and discomfort (and still being able to eat for the next few days)' side but a big ol' "Aw, crap!" from a 'now I get to get worked up all over again and we're off to Melbourne on the 7th' side.

Fuck it.

The waiting game

2006-07-10T10:10:00.000+10:00

Three hours into the pre-op fasting and I'm already noticing that there's a lot of food in our house. I know in a Somali refugee, haven't eaten in three days sense I got nothin', but I am feeling frightfully peckish at this point.

Not to mention somewhat apprehensive.

I am a doof

2006-07-06T22:19:00.000+10:00

Question: What should you never do if you are shortly to undergo a routine, albeit notoriously painful, medical procedure?

Answer: Look said procedure up on Wikipedia.

Now I'm worried about dry socket. Dry socket! Jesus! Even the name sounds horrid! And my favourite little informational tidbit? This is from a related article...

"Dry-socket lengthens the healing process and usually causes severe pain and discomfort that is often not manageable with pain medications."

Not managable with pain medications? Get fucked.

Giggle, my pretties, giggle away...

2006-06-28T22:05:00.000+10:00

Weebls have done it again. This time, it's one just for my Dad as it is all about dugongs.

From Jar's message...

2006-06-27T20:25:00.000+10:00

Turns out I'm Spiderman. Not a great surprise. The formatting plays merry hell with my blog, so I've just clipped it down to the basics.

You are intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

Norris vs Bauer. The lines are drawn

2006-06-20T19:19:00.000+10:00

Heading here will show you some fun Jack Bauer facts. Some of them are generic, just like the Norris Facts, but some are specific (and very funny).

Grot SMASH!!

2006-06-12T14:24:00.000+10:00

Age 6 has begun!

Once more, the marauding warband of Grot The Discourteous lumbers forth to loot and pillage the peaceful settlements of... wherever it is Kings Of Chaos happens.

Please take a moment to click this link, or it's friend on the left, and add to my legions.

Nani desu - frickin' - ka?

2006-06-12T13:22:00.000+10:00

I'm not sure if this is one of the coolest or lamest things I've ever seen. Either way, seeing Chewie hittin' the skins is pretty funny, and I suppose we all knew that the Stormtroopers were Nature's bass players.

Book 12 1/2

2006-06-10T15:11:00.000+10:00

"Attack Of The Bacon Robots" by Jerry Holkins and Mike Krahulik

It's no great surprise that Penny Arcade is one of my favourite comics, so when I heard they were actually going to bring out an printed book of their first two years of strips I was well chuffed. And also a little sad cause I was sure it wouldn't come out locally. I had resigned myself to paying $US Lots for postage and stuff when, on my visit to Melbourne, I found it in Minotaur for a paltry... I think it was about $25. Yippee!

And I loved it. Like Book 11 1/2, the Director's Commentary aspect was great. The introductions are funny, as are the notes themselves. Even Carmen laughed out loud while she was reading it! She occassionally had to ask me for an explanation or two ("Who's John Romero?"), but she did very much enjoy it! :)

For pure fun and entertainment value this one gets four and a half nerdcore gags out of five.

Book 11 1/2

2006-06-10T14:40:00.000+10:00

"It's Not Funny If I Have To Explain It" by Scott Adams

I love to hear about the creative process, or creator's opinions on their work. My favourite aspect of DVD technology is the capacity for commentary tracks. I thought the best aspect of "On Writing" was King's views on, well, writing (creative and practical aspects) and when a creative person is interviewed and they start chatting about how the do what they do (not the old "where do you get your ideas? schtick, but actually talking about the nuts and bolts) it's almost always interesting. With that in mind, I really enjoyed reading Scott's little notes at the bottom of the comics in this.

Essentially, it's just a collection of Adams' favourite strips, but with the added bonus of - as I said - little notes under the strips explaining why he wrote what he did or how he wasn't sure he'd get away with a gag he had planned, but that the editors didn't get it so it was printed. Basically, it was a comic strip compendium with a commentary track. Very neat.

Four "I never thought I'd get away with this" comments out of five.

Representing Deutschland, yo!

2006-06-10T11:56:00.000+10:00

Most of you will be aware of the work of Peter Stormare. You won't know this, of course, as he is one of the great HITGs[1] of our time. Seriously, you'll know him when you see him.

Anyway, I found these "Un-Pimp Your Ride" ads hilarious. Ratti didn't quite agree, but I'm used to finding things disproportionately funny.

The first one is what sells the series for me, with the "VW" hand jive and "Representing Deutschland!" pimp talk. I think these are as close to perfect ads as I've seen in a while.

Of course, the second ad features a similar gag (that's why they call it a series) and by the third, he seems to be enjoying the un-pimping to an alarming degree.

I should probably warn Cal and other lovers of shiny rice burners that the AOFLC has rated these ads "Noooooooo!" for violence against awesome cars.[2] :)

[1] Hey! It's That Guy!
[2] Of course, they haven't really. Thought I should mention that in case some credulous fool believes me. I don't want to get in trouble or anything.

Youtube, oh how I love thee.

2006-06-10T11:43:00.000+10:00

Followed this link Sam put on his blog. Great vocal work, especially Keanu and Ah-nold. And so I sort of went bouncing around and found a hilarious PSA from Chris Rock advising his African-American brothers How Not To Get Their Ass Kicked By The Police (and a lot less "all white people are evil" than I thought it would be).

Want to see Bradley Whitford asking you to support George Dub-ya's reelection in 2004? It's there too, but not in the way you're afraid it might be.

I also found a bunch of hilarious ads for VW, but they get their own post.

My Bro has joined us!

2006-06-09T18:05:00.001+10:00

He's got a blog!!

Too frickin' cool by half!

2006-06-04T12:36:00.000+10:00

Want one!

Way too cute...

2006-06-01T16:17:00.000+10:00

May the adorablest kitten win.

The Best Site In The Universe

2006-05-25T21:14:00.001+10:00

You need to go to this site. Here's just one small example of the kind of humour you can expect.

Semper Fi on line

2006-05-25T21:14:00.000+10:00

If you don't recognise the name R Lee Ermey, you'll almost definitely recognise his face. Head here to his official web site and enjoy.

O. M. F. G.

2006-05-25T20:15:00.000+10:00

This guy needs to watch out for the too much time police, but holy crap it's funny.

Slightly different

2006-05-25T19:47:00.000+10:00

It is possible I am not our average, Australian, 26-year-old male.

I got home from work today and kicked back with a hot bath, some chorizo on Jatz[TM], a bottle of alcoholic ginger beer and a copy of "A Short History Of Nearly Everything" by Bill Bryson.

An' you know what?

Didn't suck.

And Carmen is...

2006-05-22T19:36:00.002+10:00

Your results:You are Luke Skywalker

You value your friends and loved ones, but can
sometimes act recklessly because of your emotions.
Occasionally you resort to whining.
You look ahead to great things for yourself.

Luke Skywalker 67%
Han Solo 64%
Chewbacca 59%
Lando Calrissian 59%
C-3PO 57%
Princess Leia 56%
Mace Windu 56%
Jar Jar Binks 55%
R2-D2 53%
Yoda 53%

(This list displays the top 10 results out of a possible 21 characters)
Click here to take the Star Wars Personality Quiz

More yoinkings of meme

2006-05-22T19:36:00.001+10:00

Your results:You are R2-D2

What you lack in height and communication skills,
you make up for in industriousness, technical
know-how and being there when others need you most.

R2-D2 68%
Chewbacca 68%
Luke Skywalker 67%
Han Solo 67%
Obi-Wan Kenobi 64%
Padme 63%
Princess Leia 62%
Qui-Gon Jinn 60%
Yoda 60%
Jar Jar Binks 57%

(This list displays the top 10 results out of a possible 21 characters)
Click here to take the Star Wars Personality Quiz

Songs as Lists

2006-05-22T19:36:00.000+10:00

Found this wee post over at Ratti's gaff.

So I thought I'd give it a try;

Individual In Question;
Mac The Knife (aka MacHeath)

Individual's Activities;
Sneaking around corners (confirmed)
Spending like a sailor (confirmed)
Something rash (unconfirmed)

Items Involved & Their Purpose (where known);
Jack knife (kept out of sight)
Fancy gloves (to avoid traces of red)
Tug boat (for dropping cement bag)
Cement bag (for weight)

Other Persons Involved (& Their Actions);
Unknown body (oozing red)
Louie Miller (disappeared - believed deceased)
Sukey Tawdry (unknown - believed deceased)
Jenny Diver (unknown - believed deceased)
Polly Peachum (unknown - believed deceased)
Lucy Brown (unknown - believed deceased)

Neat links from Owen

2006-05-22T18:44:00.000+10:00

Ever wondered what other countries think animals sound like? Well, no you can find out.

Do you like your movies fun and crap? This could be the one for you! With nifty Parkour action!

Hullo, all!!

2006-05-09T13:09:00.000+10:00

Guess, what!? I'm in Melbourne!

I've taken my first ever paid leave, and I've finally gotten my arse down to visit Sam IV and Unky Gra Gra. It's only taken me four years to get down here to visit the once-hairy one and of course he's just got a job in Sydney, so I was 6 weeks off missing him entirely.

Last Saturday I hopped a coach to Cootamundra (cause there's no direct rail link between Canberra and Melbourne) and from there I got a train to Melbourne. First of all, let me just say that I love train travel. It's so relaxing and steady, without any accompanying nausea if you try to read. I'd also like to say the Stephen Fry's reading of the Harry Potter books is incredible. Now, back to my trip...

Graham (at whose place I am staying) met me at the train station (formerly Spencer Street, now Melbourne Southern Cross because they put a new roof on it) and then took me straight to the Malthouse Theatre where we attended the premiere of the show he'd just sunk 80 hours into in one week. I enjoyed the show, although I think it still needed a couple more polishes. The acting was excellent and the ideas presented interesting, but it didn't grip me as well as I think it could have.

Of course, what opening night would be complete without an after-show soiree and I'd like to recommend the mini-burgers and chicken and leak pies. Also, it was the first of such things I've been too where they also had dessert. Mini lemon meringue pies (which I missed out on... now I have a craving... [cranes neck at café cake fridge]) and these amazing chocolate and raspberry brownies. They where about the size of an eraser (or a 9 volt battery? Just a bit more square) and soooo rich. Very, very good.

Following that, we dumped my stuff back at Graham's house, which is simple awesome. It's across the road from Edinburgh park, has a MASSIVE kitchen (in which I'm making pizza tomorrow for dinner) and is just reall groovy. Not to mention that it's also a pleasant stroll to Brunswick Street and other trendy locales. We topped off the night with a ginger martini at a bar called, oddly enough, Ginger and I have to say that despite sitting on my bum for the majority of the day, I was a very tired Euan when I eventually went to bed.

I'll sign off now (my chicken tenderloins are getting cold) and see you later...

Excitement

2006-05-05T18:02:00.000+10:00

I'm going to Melbourne tomorrow!

I'm gonna see Gra and Sam IV and Bobbi and all kindsa people and theatre and cafés and stuff!!

Very excited!

Git.

2006-05-05T17:58:00.000+10:00

To the guy in the white Fairlane who was in front of me on the way home yesterday;

You only have to slow down or stop for amber and red lights. GREEN MEANS GO!!!!

Fucker.

Go here.

2006-05-01T21:08:00.000+10:00

I know I'm late and slow and everthing, but YouTube is awesome!

It's just loaded with nifty videos (and I think some episodes of TV). I havenae worked out how to save 'em yet (assuming you can), but they load quickly and the star ratings actually mean something. Just dip in and have a poke around.

Book 10 1/2

2006-04-30T20:26:00.000+10:00

"Red Mars" by Kim Stanley Robinson

The first in one of the great SF trilogies, and one of the best novels about the colonisation of Mars ever written (a quote on the cover from whom I don't remember), this is not the easiest book I've ever read, but it is one of the most intricate. As the unattributed quote implies, it revolves around Earth's colonisation of Mars.

The book is divided into several sections, dealing with chunks of the history of the colonisation. We have a look at the arrival of the First Hundred, the impact of living for long times on Mars and the way the multinational corporations and national interests affect immigration and terraforming. In order to keep this review short, I'll not go into any specifics as the plot threads are multitudinous and interweaving. Suffice it to say we look at environmental issues, the nature of what it means to be human, social and political engineering and the impact of different religions and cultures on the creation of a new society.

The world Robinson has created is complete, engrossing and follows its own rules to the letter. The characters are a great mix of kind, mean, charming, withdrawn, egotistical and altruistic. In short he's put together a little cross-section of the best and worst of humanity and then sort of put 'em in a jar and shaken 'em up. I wans't always lost in the joys of the narrative with this one, but I was interested in what was happening and eager to find out what was going to happen next. This is one of those works (be it novel, film or TV) that I appreciated more for what it was than what I was getting out of it. It really is an amazing piece of work, and only a third of the piece as a whole.

It took me ages to read this one, 'cause I got distracted by other books and occasionally put off by the hard-core SF tone. I don't normally read sci-fi that's this hard-core, preferring cyberpunk and multi-genre works, so I did have to make an effort here, but that effort was rewarded. I only own the third book, so I'll have to find "Green Mars" somewhere because I do want to finish the trilogy. Of course, it'll probably take me ages to read the other books, too, but I reckon I'll still enjoy 'em.

Four descriptions of Martian dust that make our teeth feel gritty just to read them out of five.

Book 9 1/2

2006-04-30T20:03:00.000+10:00

"Don't Stand Too Close To A Naked Man" by Tim Allen

If you've never read a book by a stand-up comedian, I recommend it. I've read both of Paul Reiser's books and most of Drew Carey's (I lost it halfway through. Must find a copy somewhere) and enjoyed them a lot. The text is usually delivered like a, and I know this sounds redundant, a written monologue. You get little blocks of narrative on different topics that aren't always directly related, but are usually quite funny.

Allen's book is very funny and at times extremely honest. He does talk - briefly - about his gaol time and when he does he is surprisingly open. Making jokes, as he does, about all manner of serious subjects, the candour wiith which he describes how going to gaol has effected his life is refreshing from someone who I have always seen as affected - albeit in a humourous and engaging way.

The rest of the novel is what you would probably expect, with much on the differences between men and women, powertools and the all important Great American Car [TM]. I was frequently surprised by the intellect behind the writing, as well as the polish and pace of it. As my previous statement will suggest, I had bought into the "Tim Allen is a macho, amusing twit" stage persona, and while I'm not expecting him to be honoured by the Nobel Council any time soon, I do now think he's at least able to string three cogent sentences together.

Check this one our. It certainly doesn't overstay it's welcome, and it is a very funny book.

Three and a half "more power" grunts out of five.

Play 2-up now!

2006-04-30T11:31:00.000+10:00

[40s Newsreel Announcer Voice] What can you do to help your country? Why not pop out a wee-un? Breeding is good for the economy and good for you! [/40s Newsreel Announcer Voice]

It seems a Sydney businessman has decided we're not breeding enough. He's taken out full-page ads in several national and regional newspapers and he even has a website promoting his notion that if you can have a baby, you should. Maybe I should say "what I take to be his notion" in case he feels litigious.

If you're as curious as we were when we read the ad, head over to Play2upnow.com.au and have a look for yourself. I will say that this wee snippet surprised me. At first glance I thought this might be an off-shoot of some sort of right-to-life organisation, but what he says there seems almost level-headed. Unfortunately the rest of it seems to be just a couple of clicks left of sane, but at least he's thinking when it comes to unwanted pregnancies. I say left of sane, becuase he seems to be wanting the babies for nice enough reasons. If it was "stop the minorities out-breeding us" or some such, I'd be saying right of sane. And more than a couple of clicks, too.

Of course, that said, he could be looking to establish Dickensian workhouses when the population upsurge takes hold in four or five years and give Australia a morally-reprehensible but globally-competitive manufacturing base. It's also possible that he's read Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal" and wants Australia to be at the forefront of the world baby market. It is, as Mike Myers has already told us, the other-other white meat.

Euan The Author

2006-04-30T11:16:00.001+10:00

I couldnae find the post that fatfingers commented to, but my gmail informs me that he wants to know when there'll be an update on the Euan The Author blog. Well, the short answer is when I pull my thumb out and put together a package of my Masters thesis to send to publishers. Some of my cafe time when I'm in Melbourne from the 6th to the 12th will be dedicated to doing this.

As a right to reply, I do have one question for Señor (or Señora?) fatfingers. I hasten to add that this question is born of curiosity, not hostility, but I was wondering who/where you might be. I've tried finding you online and been, well, singularly unsuccesful.

Whoever you might be, feel free to ignore this question, I'm just desperately seeking some context. I'll live if I don't get it, I'm just curious.

Thanks for your time (all of you).

Please help out...

2006-04-30T11:16:00.000+10:00

Whether or not this is true, it's worth a click.

Not sure if this'll work

2006-04-12T15:01:00.000+10:00

Flixster has a widget that shows what films I like. If it works, I might add it to my side bar...

Set phasers for cheese!

2006-04-12T13:59:00.000+10:00

I'm at home today (crook tummy) and I'm watching daytime TV and there's an ad on for a Time Life collection called "Body Talk" which is, apparently, a collection of the most "sensual and sensuous love songs" ever.

He even sounded like Zapp Brannigan when he said it! :)

Sorry in advance

2006-04-12T01:21:00.000+10:00

My "Y" key is playing silly buggers, so if from time to time I talk about "ou lot out there" or a "joll good time I had last Sunda" I hope you can bare with me.

Thank ou kindl.

Holy crap!

2006-04-12T00:55:00.000+10:00

I want you to go back in time. Dust off the ol' Delorean and just pop back in time, like, two years. Then, all thought of temporal paradoxes and the continued wellbeing of the universe aside, I want you to find yourself and talk about movies. Then tell yourself that the creative duo behind one of the most successful (and annoyingly disappointing) movie trilogies of all time, along with the producer of such deeply philosophical masterpieces as The Last Boy Scout, Exit Wounds and the haunting Assassins, would produce a brave (for it's time) and socially important (when you think about it) film. You'd have to tell yourself that it'll still be a slam-bang action with plenty of blood and a few spent cartridge cases, I mean they're just experimenting, they haven't had personality transplants, but the basic fact remains that the film I'm talking about is not your usual high-budget fare.

As you've probably worked out, in case you've been living in a bubble, I'm talking about V for Vendetta and this movie suprised me like few movies have. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't expecting Chicken Park with zany masks, but I was figuring I'd be in for a fun, flashy and entertaining evening more Daredevil than Sin City. I was not expecting the subject matter to be so potentially-controversial (and why hasn't there been a bigger stink? Have the conservative wowsers taken the month off? Or have they become self-aware enough to figure that complaining about and trying to get banned a film that features a fascistic conservative government that heavily censors the arts is a tad incriminating? But I digress...). A sympathetic terrorist? Destruction of historically-significant buildings as a legitimate form of protest? What were they thinking?

I know the storyline comes from an Alan Moore-penned (and you can tell. Two attempted rapes in the one film on the same character. God knows how many were in the original graphic novel) and (mostly)David Lloyd-drawn graphic novel from the same name, but too easily the themes could've been dumbed-down and watered-down. I know there are comic purists out there who are yelling at me now, saying "they did dumb it down! They did water it down!" but from where I was sitting it wasnae so dumb and it certainly wasnae watery.

Basic premise? Well, my snide poke at the knee-jerk complainers against film sort of summed it up. The England of the future - once more the major global power - is run by a fascistic conservative government. Stop laughing at the pure unlikelihood of it all and pay attention. No gays. No foreigners and the legacy of 80,000 dead from a biological attack to drive the fear. Then along comes this masked terrorist asking people to "remember, remember the 5th of November". He “kidnaps” a young woman, after having saved her from attempted rape (gosh, what a surprise) by officers of the nasty government. There is, of course, more to it, but I want you to go out and see this film because it is very, very good and no fuss has been made about just how good it is. Sorry, no media fuss. Most of the people I know who’ve seen it have raved. And now I have too. I haven't been as pleasantly surprised by a film since Sin City, so "I was expecting a fun film, but Jesus that was good!" knocked out of my chair was I.

Hugo Weaving squeezes every nuance of performance from the blank, kinda creepy mask and Natalie Portman is great as the young woman whom he “adopts” (with a most impressive, though not entirely flawless, Pommy accent). I’m rabbiting on a bit now, so I’ll just say – again – go and see this movie before it disappears from the screen. It’ll be okay on the telly, but the climax needs to be huge.

Four and a half forbidden jukeboxes out of five.

Lists

2006-04-11T16:58:00.000+10:00

As you may have read, I just finished "High Fidelity" and, as I finished it while ling next to Carmen as she snoozed, ocassionally pausing to give her a kiss on the cheek, I had the notion to make my own Top Five, All Time, Desert Island List (TFATDIL) up.

So, here you have Euan's TFATDIL of things you should never miss an opportunity to do;

Kiss a pretty girl on the cheek. Or guy, if you're so inclined.

Indulge in a favourite sweet or pastry. Within reason, of course.

Cuddle a dog/cat/bunny. Though be careful, 'cause bunnies bite.

Laugh long and deep.

Stretch out and read a good book.

I might spout more crap like this from time to time. Feel free to ignore me when I do. :)

Book 8 1/2

2006-04-11T16:36:00.000+10:00

"High Fidelity" by Nick Hornby

Another one to tick off my "really must read that some time" list and also another "read it in a day" one too. Well, actually, I read a wee bit night before last, but yesterday there was lunch hour and baths and early-to-bed readings all warm and snuggly.

What interested me most, coming at this one from my experiencial end, so to speak, was the little differences to the film. Or rather, the little bits of the film that were the same as the book. For the most part, this one would've been prett easy to translate to the US and - heretic though it might make me - I don't think much of the story was lost by that. Every chapter or so, I'd come up against a chunk of text that was verbatim in the film and I'd have an extra wee chuckle, but the Anglo-centric elements were also great. The pommie slang and the pommise attitude give the story a slightly different slant, but the basic "this man is a pathetic creature who needs to grow up and stop wasting his potential" premise still comes across. I couldn't help seeing Jack Black as Barry, but I had more of a Neil Morrisey in my brain for the main character, so I wasn't completely bound to the film in my head.

Having not read any other Hornby, I found the conversational tone engrossing and smooth. I also thought that the moments of honesty in the admission of his characters' weaknesses were nicely done. Like most honest, believable stories I found myself yelling (metaphoricall, Carmen was already asleep) at Rob and trying to get him to wake up to himself. How successful my yelling was is something you'll have to decide for yourself when you read it.

Four all time top five desert island lists out of five.

More news from Sussex

2006-04-11T16:29:00.000+10:00

I found the doorpost where Cal and I were measured every time we visited and guess what?

I'm currently a good inch shorter than Cal was when he was 15. Lanky bastard.

More fun.

2006-04-08T19:35:00.000+10:00

Lots of animated .gifs here and, as the name suggests, there's lots of Movie Bad Girls.

Totally shiny!

2006-04-08T19:32:00.000+10:00

How cool is this!?

It worked!!

2006-04-08T18:45:00.000+10:00

I now have a shiny, new web comic.

It's basically a rip-off of Irregular Webcomic and Twisted Kaiju Theatre, with some craziness and dodgy humour thrown in for good measure.

To begin with it'll mostly be Joke Of The Week[TM], with characters and possibly even a continuity of sorts developing as it goes. Look for updates on Fridays (our time, gotta go in and fiddle with things a bit) and because I've already done a few in advance, there won't be an Easter-themed comic cause I didn't think that far ahead.

Hope you enjoy!

A Magical Drink

2006-04-08T13:01:00.000+10:00

You may remember my search for and love of Rooibos, aka African Bush Tea. Well, I was looking it up on Wikipedia t'other day (just 'cause, really) and found this out.

Looks like Rooibos can help protect you from radiation. How cool is that!?

If nothing else, it could be a useful idea for a sci-fi medication.