Allies

America is holding out on us. They are supposed to be our Allies, sharing technology and resources, and they are keeping back possibly the most helpful and useful advances they make. To what am I referring? It isn't the latest radar unit or anti-terrorist surveillance system. It isn't a garaunteed-kill missile or a high-capacity assault rifle. It is T-shirt technology. That's right, those bloody Yanks have developed an advanced T-shirt printing system that obviously far out-strips our puny tops.

I have many, many, many printed T-shirts. Some are from Australia, and some from America and without exception the Australian T-shirts' laundry tags say something along the lines of "Do not tumble dry, coz if you do you're a freakin' idiot who deserves to burn in hell" whereas the American tags bare the legend "If you tumble dry this garment, Evil Willow, Lucy Liu and Jennifer Garner will come around to your house and have hot sex while you watch and possibly join in". While I may be exaggerating a little, the point is that Aussie printed shirts cannae be tumble dried and American ones can.

Now I know what yer thinking. Yer thinking "maybe Australian T-shirt manufacturers simply care more about the fading of their shirts or something". Or maybe yer thinking "Mmmm. . . Evil Willow, Lucy Liu and Jennifer Garner". If you're thinking the second thing, then pay attention Graham and Jared, coz I have a point here. If it were a matter of just more people complaining about their shirts fading too soon with tumble-drying, which country do you honestly think would be the first to bitch? The US, right? There'd be a $500,000 'My Xmas T-shirt Faded Too Soon' lawsuit, right? But no, Australia has the un-tumble-dryable T-shirts. Why? Cause the US don't want to share their uber-powerful T-shirt inks.

What's next? Amazing pants whose indestructible knees give good ol' Uncle Sam a tactical advantage mere 'rippable' knees can't match?

The war of the future will be fought with couture.