Unoriginal Observations

People are dumb. Almost every time we are closing up at work - and I don’t mean 1630hrs taking the menus and salt and pepper off the table closing up, but 1730 in our civvy clothes and writing up our timesheets, all outside furniture in and gates half shut closed – someone sticks their head around the gates and asks “Are you open?”. Now I know this is a funny thing to mock people about, and possibly you have to be a hospitality worker to get it, but I honestly and genuinely, on more than one occasion, have had to stop myself from running after them and asking – in all honesty, and with minimal sarcasm – where the grey area in our being closed was.

If I walked into a computer store, and all the demonstration PCs were shut down, the glowing mouse wall display was switched off and the staff were putting on their coats, I would understand that they were closed. If I walked into an office and every workstation had a screensaver running, the chairs in the meeting room were up on the table and the secretary was putting on her coat, I would realise they were no longer open.

WE WERE PUTTING ON OUR COATS, PEOPLE!

Unoriginal Observation #2: Watching the Olympics makes you an expert on whatever sport is currently being televised. I just watched some beach volleyball on the TV. Australia was playing China and there was some to and fro and back and forth and then we won. I was cheering, I was enjoying the fit young ladies in bikinis and I was commenting to Ratti, without irony, on form and technique. I have never watched more than two minutes of beach volleyball in my life, but I knew exactly what was going on and who needed to do what.

It was very empowering.

Also watched the women’s trap and saw Aussie Suzanne Balogh win gold. It was great, I could genuinely hold an opinion, support my country and an aspect of my favourite sport all at once. I might’ve even said ”Woot” once or twice.

Four Things I Learned Recently;

1. When American Pie is being repeated again on channel Ten and the shithouse Stallone remake of Get Carter is being broadcast on Nine, you can be pretty sure that Seven has something huge on (the Olympics, in this case).


2. Sometimes you don’t need to hack on stupid people, sometimes they do it for themselves.


3. Seems our male athletes need to pick up their game.


4. I may not be the worst cook in the world.

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“I’m wondering… where his dick is at…”
- Axel Foley, Beverly Hills Cop II