It's getting closer...

Every day. Just a little bit, one small step at a time, but it is getting closer.

Every dodgy day at work, every person who can't look around them to see how busy we are, every impatient public servant who thinks our cafe is McDonalds, every little old lady whose coffee is too hot/cold/strong/milk, every cab that takes two hours to arrive, all of these things are taking me that one step closer to the day I take a human life.

And I'm not sure if I'm going to stop at one.

Mind the gap.

Maybe a new quick post will remove the massive blank space...

*Groan* Brains.....

Here's the plan; at the slightest news report of an "unknown infection" or "strange rioting", we all make a bee-line for my Mum and Dad's place. Nick and the Farrer house gang, you get as much food as you can (canned stuff we don't have to cook would be good). Kath and Sean, you need to get sleeping bags and the like. Liv and Majdie, you're on fuel and light patrol. Jared, get all the beer you can find. Then, with the Bowen arsenal, we'll find a solid building to hold up in until the army arrives. You bastards that ran away to Melbourne will just have to fend for yourselves.

It's foolproof.

It's also possible I've watched too many zombie films recently...

Condensing little posts

First: Boobies.

A little something to brighten Jared's shit fuck of a week, dude. Just remember that I offer no gaurantee of quality.

Next: Political fun

Courtesy of Chris Stewart, who linked this little meme in his blog.
Apparently I'm a Democrat/Green supporter. Who'd'a thunk it?

And then: A stupid man

It is possible that this guy has either the worst luck in the world, or is just the stupidest man in the world.

And finally: the voting reptile

So, it was a spineless, poisonous, cold-blooded creature.
The big question? Was it going to vote Liberal or One Nation?

Got RSS?

Want to keep up on the latest news and oddness around the world? Read lots of web comics and want to be told when they're being updated?

Find and installPluck, people. I did this a while ago now, and it's been great. Not only do I know when my favourite web comics are updated, but I also get Reuters and Fark news.

How else would I have found out about the incredible 60 year old woman who makes Steve Irwin look like a wuss? Or that it seems Dubya was trying for another Florida? There's some good stuff out there.

Mounting Pressure

I have a semi-irrational fear.

The next movie I see is going to suck.

I don't care what it is, but it will suck. Or, at least, I will think it sucks. The problem is, I'm on a roll of good cinema. Okay, let's make that on a roll of enjoyable cinema with good cinema in there occasionally for good measure. In the last 7 days I have seen four films, all of which I have enjoyed hugely and a couple of which were even good movies.

First was Alien vs Predator, which was - for all its faults - an absolute ball-tearer. It really was everything I had hoped it would be and more. With significant Predator casualties, humans dropping like flies and some WWE-esque fights between young hunter Predator and scarred alien Queen that had me waiting for the "People's Elbow"[TM], I genuinely enjoyed AvP.

Next we have Wimbledon and, again, for what it is[1], Wimbledon is a great movie. Granted, the plot doesn't contain any great surprises and the expected does occur, but the characters are likeable, the dialogue snappy and the supporting cast more than just background to the leads. I don't know if ball-tearer is an appropriate term but, again, I genuinely enjoyed Wimbledon.

All you have to do is scroll down to see what I thought of the third film I saw this week, Shaun of the Dead. Did I enjoy it? You bet. Is it a ball-tearer? Fuck yeah!

And the fourth film? It was Zatoichi, people, and let me tell you that this was as fun as a night of CGI-enhanced swordplay can ever be. I'm not going to join the throng of people who proclaim this to be the one to knock Tarantino off his Kill Bill perch, because they really are very different movies, but it was funny and action-packed and well made and just about one of the best Japanese movies I have ever seen. It was an absolute, no question, ball-tearer.

And thus my problem. How can the next film I see stand up to this competition? Should I hire Old School or head out and catch Catwoman before it goes off? Would it be better to just ditch the roll now, rather than disappoint myself? Or should I just cross my fingers and hope to keep the good times coming?

Well, as they say, we live in hope.

And Collateral opens on thursday...

[1]And here I have a gripe with Margaret Pomerantz. For those reading in not-Australia, Margaret and David have a weekly movie-review show on the ABC and they are famous for a) disagreeing with each other and b) not sugar-coating their opinions of films they dislike. Now the young mistress Pomerantz, in her wisdom, reviewed both Wimbledon and AvP on the same night, and I just happened to catch the show. David said he didn't mind AvP too much, whereas Margaret hated it. She then went on to defend Wimbledon as a film, even though it is predictable, because it was a genre piece (specifically romantic comedy) and as such, you couldn't expect too much from it. AvP was a genre piece too, and it also fulfilled the necessary elements of the genre. Why, then, does it not deserve a fair go in the ratings? I wouldn't give it 4 stars, but .5 of a star? Be fair.

Holy Crap!

Can you believe this shit?

And their medical system is still fucked.

Today is not a good day to be an embittered cynic. I think I might just go and have a bath...

Hmmm...

I'm a



Apparently.

And I've just seen a Sumo Florist with Jamie Lee Curtis's head. I just don't get it, Jared.

D'oh

Well, the fuckers have spoken and it's three more years of saying "Don't blame me, I voted for the other guy". That's right, the Liberals won again (they actually picked up more seats this time). *sigh*

And we get to do it all over again. Next weekend we have local elections here in Canberra, so I have a chance for another forum in which to say "Don't blame me, I voted for the other guy."

So, I hope all those people that voted for the Troll have already been to University, never get sick and look forward to working until they're 70, coz that looks like the way we're heading. And don't worry about our standing in the international arena, becuase when Dubya gets in again in November we'll always have the US to look out for us. When they can remember who we are, that is. And I'm sure that the people who are even now paying $10,000 a head to try and make it to Darwin in leaky boats and avoid whatever unpleasantness is back at home will not mind being cooped up for years without representation or means of appeal just because there's an Al in their name and they don't eat Ham. Oh, and the interest rates will stay down, too, because as we all know the PM has so much say in that.

With all the wonderful possibilities the future holds, why, I could just throw up.

And if you don't like it, tough, 'cause you can't blame me.

Why not?

Because I voted for the other guy.

Voting

Well, I've gone and done it. I put some numbers in some little boxes on a couple of pieces of paper and now I have once again excercised my democratic right to vote. Also, I have cemented my right to complain when the nation picks the little gnome again. I'm not wanting it to happen, but I think it will.

I'll tell you what, though, it did give me a chance to put Fred Nile number 13 on ballot. Damn that felt good. And I went on the assumption that any party with 'Progressive' in their name probably doeansae need to be voted in.

Four things I learned recently

1. The Fyshwick markets are a comfortable walking distance from our new house.


2. Kri Kri nuts are much tastier fresh from the roaster.


3. Julia Sawalha done growed up.


4. Simon Pegg can really act.

========
"Take car. Go to mum's. Kill Phil - "Sorry." - grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over. How's that for a slice of fried gold?"
- Shaun, Shaun Of The Dead

100% Fried Gold!

Just saw Shaun Of The Dead and it is fucking brilliant. Sorry, but I gotta say that again; FUCKING BRILLIANT!

The acting was good, the editing and plotting were excellent and, well, it was just too damn cool for school. With references as wide as Evil Dead (an employee called Ash calling in sick) to the original Spaced series (funnily enough, given half the cast is the same), Shaun manages to be both a spoof of a genre and a legitimate entry in it. Pratchett would be proud.

Spontaneous applause sprang up on more than one occasion, and not just from the Evil Bunny crew, either. Not only is it uproariously funny, but it also manages to be serious, with a couple of genuinely tragic moments - albeit none that anyone who has seen another zombie film wouldn't expect. Oh, and more than one serious scare too.

Best bits? Slipping in the convenience store, Nick Frost winding on the camera, trampolining over the wall and playing Timesplitters 2 at the end. Oh and the bit where the zombies eat... but that'd be telling.

Election 2004

I think I need a lie down. Maybe even a nice glass of water or a moment to get my breath back and let my heartrate come down back to normal.

I just saw an election advertisement (for Latham, FYI) which revolved around "Vote For Us", not "Don't Vot For Them 'Cause They Eat Babies And Wee In The Sink".

It really does make a nice change, in this day of muckraking and shit-slinging, to see a gentle, friendly advert that tries to encourage you to vote for their party rather than scaring you into not voting for the others. Call me naive, but I really would rather see an ad that says "Vote for us" and gives reasons why, rather than "The other team is evil and will come over to your house and eat all your icecream and kill your pet".