EATTISOML #27

"Keep Hope Alive" by The Crystal Method

I have a confession to make. It's something of a guilty secret of which I'm sure none of my friends have even the faintest inkling.

I am a movie nerd.

I know, I know. I can hear your protestations now, Say; "Not you, Euan." Carmen is, as she reads this, thinking "not my beloved Euan" and even Graham is shaking his head sadly saying "I never knew. If only he'd told me".

And one of the things about being a movie nerd is that you can have opinions on strange things. Things like the best use of the word 'fuck' in cinema history (Prisoner Golic in Alien 3) and best throat slitting in an action/horror film (a toss-up between the death of the replacement radio operator in Die Hard 2 and Russel Crowe's effort with a Swiss Army knife in Proof Of Life).

And best cinematic opening sequence.

Say what you want about the rest of the film (and I can say plenty), the opening sequence of Replacement Killers is almost perfect and the use of "Keep Hope Alive" (which some of you might known as the theme for Third Watch) is a large part of the reason why.

Starting with a gentle, airy theme and slowly building into a thumping drumbeat that scoffs at the speedlimit if you play it in the car, the music plays over a slow-mo tracking shot of Chow Yun Fat (King of Cool that he is) walking through a crowded nightclub while the patrons bump and grind around him and it is obvious that they don't know he is there. True, half of them are probably so fucked-up that Godzilla could walk past them and they wouldn't notice, but the movement of the camera (and the way in which he disappears a couple of times when someone walks in front of the camera) is seamless.

I was never, nor will I ever be, the biggest fan of techno music (or dance or whatever the hell you want to call that genre), but even years after seeing the film, this track was one of the first I sought out on Napster and is still a regular on my playlists and driving CDs.

Rehearsals.

For those that don't know, I'm going to be in Rep's production of On The Razzle that opens this November. I'm playing the role of Sonders, who is the young hopeful in love with Marie, Herr Zangler's niece and ward. Zangler doesn't want Sonders to have anything to do with Marie, thinking that Sonders is just a mountebank. I think Sonders truly does love Marie, but also has his eyes on her young form, so naturally Herr Zangler is suspicious.

The upshot of all this is that I will be executing (performing... enacting...?) my second stage kiss this November. And the young lady playing Marie is far from unattractive (as well as being an excellent actress, to boot), so it isn't the worst experience in the world.

We've started practicing the kissing now and it's more than just a little weird. For anyone who's ever been involved in a theatrical production, in the first few rehearsals there's lots of 'so when I do this, you do that, right?' and similar, with things being done many times over and lots of fluffing of lines and dropping of cues.

This hilarity is usually played out in front of the rest of the cast as they sit about and wait for their turn and when the hilarity includes practising kissing, it can get funny and uncomfortable in just about equal parts. Far be it from me to complain about kissing a beautiful girl, but after the fifteenth time you've been pushed into a 'lingering kiss' by another actor and you've both broken up into giggles, or had your heads pushed together too fast and so the young lady's lips muffle your lines, it starts to get just a tad surreal.

Four things I learned recently;

1. This show has a very big cast.


2. Our real estate agents are nice when it comes to inspections.


3. Bananas contain a lot of potassium.


4. Sims 2 is pretty damn cool.

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"This... is my BOOMSTICK!"
- Ash, Evil Dead 3: Army Of Darkness

One of those days.

The theme of the day? Customers who just don't seem to understand English.

Around 12pm;

Customer sits down
EUAN: How are we today? What would you like?
CUSTOMER: What sort of juice do you have?
EUAN: We have orange, pineapple, watermelon and rockmelon.
CUSTOMER: I'd like an apple juice please.

Hmmm... And then, around 1pm;

Another Customer sits down
EUAN: What would you like today, sir?
ANOTHER CUSTOMER: What sort of beer do you have?
EUAN: Crown, Peroni, VB, Cascade Lite, Fosters Lite, Boags and Carlton Cold.
ANOTHER CUSTOMER: I'll have Stella.
Riiiiight...

I'm a pretty good waiter, and the chances are that if I haven't given you an option, we don't have it. It's like the customers who, when asked if they want a large or regular fruit juice, reply "I'll have a medium, please."

Please listen to us, people. We know of what we speak, and our constantly having to say "sorry, we don't have that" or repeat the options makes us look bad. And we don't like it when you make us look bad. And we make your food and drinks. Where you can't see them. Get the hint.

Alien vs Predator

Overheard, no shit, on local FM radio 104.7, in reference to Alien vs Predator;

"It's like the State Of Origin on PCP"

Trivia nights a genetic purity...

I think we should stop pandering to ciliacs (if that's how you spell it) and lactose intolerant people. It's counter-evolutionary. I mean, what we're doing is supporting weaker genotypes. Darwin would be ashamed of us. What we should be doing is encouraging them to deal with their problems by giving the people who ask for soy full fat cow milk. You're a ciliac? Have a nice big slice of bread with a dusting of wheat germ. That way, either they'll be able to deal with their shortcomings or else their weak and feeble genetic codes will be removed from the gene pool. Either way, society as a whole will benefit. This policy can be seen as a last great answer to the problem of genetic purity. A final solution, if you will... Hmmm... maybe I should move on.

In other news, lots of people ordered soy milk coffees today and it annoyed the hell out of me.

Just got back from Rep's trivia night for this year and I'd just like to say that even though we tanked out double points round, the great Boyd's Chairs (that's Liv, Sean, Alex (Liv's sister) and me) came second overall. Even if I did seem to think (and I was writing down the answers) that at 10pm on Sunday the 26th of September, 2004 in Canberra it was 7am on Saturday the 25th of June in Chicago. Sometimes my brain, she don't work so good. Although I did manage to make many a person chuckle (uncontrollably in more than one instance) when, with the question being "What is the most common element in the universe?", I called out the wrong answer. What did I yell out?

Tweed.

Andrew Kaye (who was asking the questions at the time) went a strange and worrying shade of red. Carmen's team (Brown's Chairs - Matt, Majdie, Darren and Carmen) came 6th. And, in fact, were 6th for most of the evening. Oh, and by coming 5th in the 5th round we got a go at a lucky dip and recieved a pack of envelopes and a couple of balloons. Yay us.

Four Things I Learned Recently;

1. Swans are - apparently - the only birds with a penis.


2. The first Dr Who stories released on VHS featured Cybermen.


3. Attila the Hun died from a bleeding nose on his wedding night.


4. Filling out this bit of my blog after a trivia night is really easy.

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"Good news, everyone!"
- Professor Hubert Farnsworth, Futurama

I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT!!!

I got "Knights Of The Old Republic" today! It's a totally awesome Star Wars RPG for the XBox (and PC and other platforms, but I got the XBox version) with smooth graphics an intuitive command system and engrossing gameplay. Plus, it only cost me $40 at Big W, so it is a cool game and bought cheaply. Yay me!!

On the Masters front, I actually wrote some more theory this week, and I'm pretty sure I'll meet my deadline of first complete draft by the end of November. That'll give me a few weeks to leave it be and then six weeks to re-write for the February submission date. Heck, I might even pass with the thing. Also, once I've got a smooth complete fiction draft, I'm going to talk to my supervisors and if there's no issue from the Uni, I'm going to submit the draft to a publisher. I figure zombie stories are big at the moment, so I might have a chance. I'll keep you posted.

And I've got a G-mail account thanks to Ratti. It gives me a GB of space and I think the theory is that I never have to delete an e-mail. Then, when I have lots and lots of them, it has a search engine built in so I can look through my messages. Pretty neat, huh?

Four things I learned recently;

1. If you reveal the big twist in a film thirty minutes from the end, it doesn't matter how well you have built your tension, the film will suffer.


2. It feels good to get big bills away from over your head.


3. My friend Gordon, with whom I've done a couple of shows, can really rock out!


4. Even if it's broken, a dishwasher makes a good drying rack.

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"What exactly is it you are lacking, Dick?"
- Elliot Stabler, Law & Order:SVU

Dinner parties

Well another milestone has been passed. I have, for the first time, produced an entire 3 course meal entirely on my own. I made the dessert the night before and the entree and mains on the night. Of course, the meal itself was more than a little late (we started eating at 2050 or so), but overall I would declare it a success. And what did I serve for my initial dinner party? Well, entree was a rare beef and basil salad with roma tomatoes, spanish onion and warm vinaigrette. The beef itself was a King Island Sirloin that was tender and juicy (if a little burnt on the outside), and the vinaigrette was pleasantly tart.

The mains (for there were two) were roast quail with olive oil, thyme and praprika accompanied by rosemary & garlic potatoes and green beans and whole leatherjacket fillet with red curry and ginger butter served with sesame and honey sweet potato chips and chinese broccoli. Both worked very well, and I even managed to get Carmen to like sweet potato. See, I put some on her plate and she said; "I don't like sweet potato", to which I replied "But this has honey and sesame seeds with it". Later on in the meal, I tried to steal one and she told me off. Seems she liked that kind of sweet potato.

And what was dessert? Well, it would've been orange creme brulee except I forgot to buy more fuel for my brulee torch and so we actually had baked orange custard. It was still nice, though. :)

I'm pleased with meself, and I think my guests enjoyed their dinner also.

Post-housewarming

So we had lots of people and roughly 18litres of hard liquor to each warm body here, so the housewarming was - I believe - an unparalleled success. There was the usual smattering of exceeding drunkness, foolish snoggery and bad jokes and cries of "Soju!" brought Sam and Sil running to shotglasses brim full of that wonderful Korean beverage.

Callum and I had a quick game of shotglass chess and discovered - to our detriment - that it is best to play that game not with vodka and pernot, as we did, but rather wine or beer. We chose to play by the rules that when you take a piece, you have to drink the shot, and so when you have taken five of your opponent's pieces within twenty minutes taking that sixth piece, even if it is the queen and will lead to your opponent's eventual defeat, a caution I have rarely excercise in chess starts to show through. But now we have many great memories, and a cupboard and a drinks fridge chock full of boozy goodness.

Mmmm... booze...

Sex Noise Haiku

Don't ask where this came from...

It is big and hard
My lotus swells to take it
Ride me stallion

Allies

America is holding out on us. They are supposed to be our Allies, sharing technology and resources, and they are keeping back possibly the most helpful and useful advances they make. To what am I referring? It isn't the latest radar unit or anti-terrorist surveillance system. It isn't a garaunteed-kill missile or a high-capacity assault rifle. It is T-shirt technology. That's right, those bloody Yanks have developed an advanced T-shirt printing system that obviously far out-strips our puny tops.

I have many, many, many printed T-shirts. Some are from Australia, and some from America and without exception the Australian T-shirts' laundry tags say something along the lines of "Do not tumble dry, coz if you do you're a freakin' idiot who deserves to burn in hell" whereas the American tags bare the legend "If you tumble dry this garment, Evil Willow, Lucy Liu and Jennifer Garner will come around to your house and have hot sex while you watch and possibly join in". While I may be exaggerating a little, the point is that Aussie printed shirts cannae be tumble dried and American ones can.

Now I know what yer thinking. Yer thinking "maybe Australian T-shirt manufacturers simply care more about the fading of their shirts or something". Or maybe yer thinking "Mmmm. . . Evil Willow, Lucy Liu and Jennifer Garner". If you're thinking the second thing, then pay attention Graham and Jared, coz I have a point here. If it were a matter of just more people complaining about their shirts fading too soon with tumble-drying, which country do you honestly think would be the first to bitch? The US, right? There'd be a $500,000 'My Xmas T-shirt Faded Too Soon' lawsuit, right? But no, Australia has the un-tumble-dryable T-shirts. Why? Cause the US don't want to share their uber-powerful T-shirt inks.

What's next? Amazing pants whose indestructible knees give good ol' Uncle Sam a tactical advantage mere 'rippable' knees can't match?

The war of the future will be fought with couture.

EATTISOML #28

"The Man From Snowy River Theme" by Bruce Rowland

I loved The Man From Snowy River as a kid. I may still love it now, although I haven't seen it in years, but the point is (and here comes another 'when I was a kid' thing) that after we got the movie on video, we also got the soundtrack on tape. We played it almost every trip we took to Sussex and looking out the window at the Clyde Valley or Kangaroo Valley and hearing that trumpet sting, and that whip crack, especially when it was rainy and the valley floor was shrouded in mist was just amazing.

Callum and I coined a term when we were living in Penrith; Power music. When he'd just got his license, we would occasionally just cruise to KFC or whatever and along the way we would listen to tapes that Callum had put together. The tapes featured more than the odd piece of "Power Music", the "Man From Snowy River Theme" being one of them, and when they came on the accelerator would get a little bit closer to the floor and the corners a little bit tighter.

Mmm... Conspiracy theories...

How you doin'? Happy in your life and the knowledge that the world is as They say it is? Feel like a shock to the brain? Well the young master Stewart sent me this link (which I see also appears on his blog), and the film it shows is interesting to say the least. It's about the impact of Flight 77 on the Pentagon in the 9/11 attacks and asks if a 757 actually did hit the building. As Chris says, the production values are pretty slick, and the quotes (if genuine) are a little worrying. My question is; it was obivously an attack, right? So if it wasn't Flight 77, why claim it was a 757 at all? Is the idea that it was a smaller plane or missile significantly scarier or more threatening to security than the idea that a 757 or 747 could be hijacked?

Makes ye think. I mean, I remember seeing a site last year that claimed it was a satellite laser attack (these were not of the same production values, but that might just mean that the satellite laser nutters have less time than the other nutters). Also, the satellite nutters didn't have the quotes and stuff.

Four Things I Learned Recently;

1. Sorting out a kitchen so that it is how you like it can be oddly relaxing.


2. Little Cherry Ripes are fantastic.


3. I can have Shaun Of The Dead on DVD before it comes out here in the cinemas.


4. A little kindness is frequently rewarded.

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"Let's play!"
- El Mariachi, Desperado

Feeling crook

All tingly and achy. Damnable flu. But we have ADSL again!! Hooray!!

Life in the new house is going well. We had a four-Xbox, four TV, eight player Halo session Thursday night and it was frickin' awesome!! Not only is it piss-easy to plug four Xboxes together (just one hub and a whole bunch of Cat 5 was all it took. Thanks, John), but the excitement and genuine rush of adrenaline when you're hooning down the middle of Blood Gulch in the warthog, holding the flag and the bullets and rockets are flying around you. I know I'm a nerd, and I'm happy about it. :)

And now I'm running out of things to say 'cause me brain ain't working...